My New Mom Journey
I’ve been on this “New Mom” journey for 6.5 months now. It’s not easy. There are moments, hell, sometimes DAYS, where I question if I’m cut out for it. Am I doing enough to help his development? Why isn’t he feeding like he used to? Boycotting solids? Is it something I did wrong from the beginning? He hasn’t pooped in 5 days.... or is it 7? God I can’t remember. Should I call the pediatrician? They said it’s normal to go a week to 10 days without poop... is that while on solids or just breastmilk?
THE THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS ON THE DAILY ARE ENDLESS! And then moments of pure frustration with this little human and the onset of GUILT after for having those feelings.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life AND I am committed to a lifetime of it.
The reward. The love for my son is beyond measure. Literally. His smiles, gah! Melt my heart. His laughter and joy he eagerly gives to everyone he meets. That’s my boy! Breathing in his smell (that baby smell, not his adult sounding farts) as he cuddles my neck and trusts me with every fiber of his being.
It’s. All. Worth. It.
I gained 80 (yes, 8.0.) pounds during my pregnancy. I knew I was letting my self go. Actually, I did it hoping the old wives tale of “you’ll lose a ton of weight by breastfeeding” would bring me back to the ME I started with. HA! I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The saying “the same man never gets into the same river” (or whatever that saying is) holds tried and true! Everything changed when little man was born. Nothing else mattered but him.... at least that’s what I thought for the first few months.
Fast forward to month 3, I had lost everything I knew about myself. My sharp whit (mom brain is REAL) my love of being around people (I didn’t want to see anyone. Actually, more like I didn’t want anyone seeing me) and of course, my body. Good LORD even my stellar “I’ll show you a bad ass woman driver” skills were out the freakin’ window! I had dropped 40 lbs by month 4 then became stagnant. Learning the ebb and flow of balancing my boy, eating, showering, keeping up with laundry and the house. What gets let go of? Everything BUT the baby, of course!
I joined a mom’s group where I learned of a CrossFit program called “Dumbells and Diapers.” CrossFit? I could hear my own words echo, “I wouldn’t touch shit with a 10’ poll! Those people are CRAZY!”
God damn it I was wrong again! Though, never happier to be!
There I was. 4 months postpartum squeezing into workout clothes I hadn’t worn in over a year (not a cute site) with my baby on my hip. I was nervous. Uncomfortable in my own skin and still in “new mom territory.” I was hopeful I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what they were doing at this class. (The CrossFit, right?) Wrong. I am talking about feeling like the only one who didn’t know what the hell she was doing as a new mom.
Looking back, I had no idea how comforting it was going to be to meet other mom’s just like me AND those who’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and were willing to give away any tips, tricks and advise that was being sought. I ALSO didn’t realize how empowering the workouts were going to be. I was there to give it my all in order to find the woman I knew myself to be before getting promoted to Mommy.
I lost another 20 lbs during the 12 week program and found myself again. Invigorating! Back on my firm, hard working feet.
Someone actually commented on how happy, both, Jacob and I look now compared to when we started. I didn’t even realize how unhappy I WAS! I did this to lose the baby weight. Little did I know how much more I’d gain by stepping out of my comfort zone and being open to something new.
I’m back and it’s time for another wild ride! ***No, we're not pregnant again!***